Who Are Your Friends?

Nearly everybody has something to say about how to find true friends, how to keep them, and how to recognize them. The internet is full of advice, good and bad. Perhaps the best source for this advice is the prophet of the restoration. He defined for us the eternal and celestial qualities true friends should have. Joseph Smith wrote the following about the family members and friends who visited him on August 11, 1842, while he was in hiding in and around Nauvoo from a Missouri extradition order:

How good and glorious it has seemed unto me, to find pure and holy friends, who are faithful, just, and true, and whose hearts fail not; and whose knees are confirmed and do not falter, while they wait upon the Lord.

He had to find pure and holy friends. They didn’t just materialize. Not an easy task.  And sometimes even friends who he thought were faithful, just, and true forsook him and rejected him.

The qualities the prophet looked for as he selected friends are detailed below. The prophet realized the need he had for friends he could trust. Ann N. Madsen in the 1989 Women’s Conference, said this:

Our circle of encouraging, faithful friends will help us to make wise choices. They will be there in our times of struggle, pain, and grief to lift and bless us. Find friends; look for friends. Don't try to go it alone. [Italics added]

Pure and Holy friends. The numbers of pure and holy people on the earth seem to be constantly diminishing, but I am convinced that the majority of people are good, honest, and true. There are only a few people in each of our lives that we can call pure and holy friends. These are those who remain in our lives over the stretch of years, trials, and distance. Just as many of the prophet’s friends came and went, so do many people pass through our lives and fade into a remembrance. Martin Luther King Jr. commented about finding pure and holy friends:

You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your friends.

For Joseph, even some of those friends he thought were eternal abandoned him in his need. Hyrum Smith, Lyman Wight, Alexander McRae, Caleb Baldwin, and Sidney Rigdon were imprisoned together with the prophet in Liberty Jail under the most foul of conditions from December 1, 1838 to April 6, 1839 during the 1838 Mormon War. In later years, Lyman Wight and Sidney Rigdon abandoned him. While in the jail, Sections 121, 122, and 123 of the D and C were revealed to Joseph. In Section 121:7-9, Joseph was told by the Lord:

My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.

The Prophet did triumph over his foes, and his truly pure and holy friends from that time, his brother Hyrum, Alexander MaRae, and Caleb Baldwin did stand by him.

Faithful, Just, and True Friends. William Shakespeare said:

Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find.

Joseph Fielding Smith, author of Life of Joseph F. Smith, quotes Asael Smith's address to his family (Joseph Smith’s grandfather):

As to Your Company.—Abandon all infectious, self-serving companions; when once you have found them false, trust them no more. Sort with such as are able to do or receive good.

Just. Joseph’s grandfather’s advice was significant for him and for us. The prophet used the word “just” to help describe the qualities of people who he would seek as friends. He wanted friends who were morally strong and guided by the principles of the gospel.

True. Joseph wanted true friends, but true friends are hard to find. We all have acquaintances with whom we are friendly. That is, we enjoy their company, we may even go out to dinner with them, but we have not necessarily accepted them as true friends as Joseph Smith described them. Such people can be rare. Many times in the prophet’s life, he was betrayed by those he had regarded as true friends.

Hearts Fail Not and Knees Are Confirmed. In Isaiah 35:3, we are commanded to “Strengthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees.” In this context, confirmed knees can stand against adversity and challenges to faith. Having them means that we are sure of ourselves and the gospel.

Have you ever had someone bump you in the back of the knee and felt your knee give way momentarily? My mother’s knees (at 92 years of age) don’t function as well as they once did. She needs a walker to support herself. Yet her knees are as confirmed as anyone’s I have ever known. It seems that confirmed knees do not depend on physical strength, but on spiritual and moral strength.

Do Not Falter While They Wait Upon the Lord. Perhaps the one true friend we can count on for eternity, the one who will never forsake us, always support us and never waver, is the Savior himself. The prophet knew this. People will come and go in your life, True friends may not be. Knees may weaken. Hearts may fail. But the Savior will walk beside us, ahead of us, and at times behind us. He is with us always. He “marked the path.” He “leads the way.” He is willing to yoke with us (Matthew 11:28-30) to lighten our load. He suffered incomprehensibly for our sins. He is our advocate with the Father. Michael Bassey Johnson said this:

People will walk in and walk out of your life, but the one whose footstep made a long-lasting impression is the one you should never allow to walk out.

The Savior’s footprint makes an eternal impression. The Savior will never walk out on us, but we can walk out on Him. Our goal in this life is never to do so, but to retain his friendship for eternity. The Savior regards us as his friends, and it is His eternal hope that we will remain pure and holy so that we can join Him and the Father in eternity. He said in John 15:13-15:

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

Joseph Smith’s effort to find good friends was a work of his lifetime. We are on the same quest. His standard should be ours. Standards for friendship are the key to finding and keeping friends. Do not abandon them for popularity, acceptance, or expediency. It is better to be alone than to be in the company of those who are not faithful, just, and true. To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson:

The glory of friendship is not in the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is in the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him.

Our goal in mortality is to be a believed and trusted friend to the Savior of the universe, follow His counsel, stay on the path, choose friends with goals similar to ours, and eventually reach our eternal goal. With the Savior as our friend, how can we fail?